Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
