i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
