i barfeds in our rink
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
