I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
