and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
