Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
