OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
