You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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