i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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