I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
