No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
