I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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