Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
