I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
