I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize