If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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