i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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