A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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