Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
