Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the condom got lost in my hair
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
