Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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