You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
