forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
