I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
