apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
