I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
