mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
