I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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