if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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