Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
