She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
did i just pee glitter
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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