I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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