dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
