it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
