Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
