the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
