so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
