Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
