How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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