I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
