I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
