Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
