girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
