I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
