Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
