Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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