The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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