I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
