im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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