my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
