If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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