she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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