At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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