I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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