I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
