Just fell off a train. Bad.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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