Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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