you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
