Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
