not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
