I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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