That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I supernannyed him into submission
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
