So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
