it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
