im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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