there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
