2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
