I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize