Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
